Picture Perfect Life

i have gotten so many comments from people that i have never met saying things like, "i just love how perfect you are" or "you and your husband seem like the perfect couple." or 

"I want a perfect family like yours."

wow. that's all i can say about that. 

wow.

let's clear things up...

I'M NOT PERFECT!

i'm nowhere near perfect! this goes back to one of my previous blog posts, "Remember, You're A Good Mom". 

When posting things on Instagram or Facebook, you naturally post your "best" moments. you post photos of kissing your significant other, or having a picnic in the park. sometimes you even post a status of something embarrassingly funny you did... but something YOU can laugh about too. 

you would never dare post a photo of you when you're in a deep sleep with your mouth hanging open and drool on your pillow. or a video of you yelling at your child to shut up. or a status of the time when you forgot to wear a pad/tampon and it leaked through your pants so you poured ketchup on your chair so people would think that you sat in ketchup. (sorry men, girl moment.)

why wouldn't you want to tell the whole world about that? 

CUZ IT'S FREAKING EMBARRASSING!!

we all want everyone to think we have a perfect life. i mean, isn't that why we #hashtag our photos? so other people would see it? we post a photo of us sleeping, cuddled up with our baby (posed, of course. you would NEVER post a photo of you ACTUALLY sleeping. besides, its a selfie... how would you take it anyway?) we tag it with #sleeping #cute #adorable #peaceful. 

when in all actuality, if your toddler sleeps in your bed with you, you know very well that it's not a peaceful, cuddle time for 12 hours. no, it's getting kicked in the ribs and punched in the face every five minutes. it's waking up every time your baby breathes funny or snores. it's not peaceful at ALL.

but we want it to seem like that to everyone else.

now guess what, to all the people who think i'm so "perfect"... everything listed above are things that have personally happened to ME!

this was a recent comment i got from a follower.

this one was SOOOO sweet, but it got me thinking, people are only seeing my "highlight-reel".

yes, i love to post pretty, edited photos. my Instagram is my artistic photo album. I edit all my photos, crop them, brighten the colours. i make my life look pretty darn perfect. but... it's not.

i have been married for almost three years. My husband and i have a baby boy (not really a baby anymore, he's 15 months old.) and from the outside, i have the american dream. i am a stay at home mom, i take care of our pretty little apartment and raise our beautiful boy. my husband goes to work full-time then comes home to love on us. he is also a pastor at our church and i am the worship leader.

ISN'T OUR LIFE PERFECT??

wrong.

what i failed to mention is that when i wake up, i wake up to a screaming toddler in the next room. instead of getting up right away to see his beautiful baby face, i turn down the monitor, roll over and try to get a few more minutes of sleep. 

when i finally groan and force my body out of bed and drag myself into the baby room, all i really want to do is yell at my child saying "SHUT UP" but i don't. (not every time anyways. ha.)

feeding my son is always a struggle, half the time it all ends up on the floor and i have to step out of the room to breath so i won't curse at a 15 month old. 

when my husband comes home from work, there is rarely dinner ready for him. no, it's normally him calling me on his way home saying "what can i pick up for us to eat tonight? pizza?"

i hear all the time, "i love how devoted your family is to God and your church."

well... that IS true...kinda. 

i love doing worship. worship is my REAL way of connecting with God. and i adore music. however, normally an hour before our worship practice on Thursday, i am lying in bed ready to punch someone cuz i do NOT want to go. it's not that i don't love serving God, or worshiping Him, i just would rather lay my lazy butt in bed and hibernate for three months. 

to those of you who are "jealous" of my perfect life and wonderful family... well SO AM I!

i only wish i had that perfect little life that i seem to portray online. 

my husband and i fight. quite a bit actually. we get pissed off and storm out of the room. i get mad at my son. sometimes i have to leave him in his playroom just because i don't want to see him. (if you don't have kids, don't judge me. if you DO have kids...then you'll understand this very well.) 

i'm not always happy. in fact, i take depression medication because i cry all day long without it. my hair is rarely done when i stay home. i have acne. i photoshop my pictures. i have an anger problem. i was bullied in high school. i'm not popular. i am incredibly shy. people think i'm mean when they meet me, cuz i'm shy. Michael and i disagree a lot. we don't always have a good sex life. i'm insecure. i don't have enough patience for my husband and my baby. i embarrass myself daily. sometimes i want to run away. 

these are just a FEW honest details of my life. 

ironically enough, even though i'm writing this, i still won't post the nasty little details of my life online. but i DO want to remind all of you that you're not the only weird one in life. 

i don't have a perfect life, but i do have a happy one. 

i love my life. i love my family. i love my church. i love my Jesus. 

i would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. 

what do you think of all this?

 do you ever judge yourself by what you see other people posting online? 

do you feel insecure or "lowly" by what the people you follow post?

do you feel like you're not popular because of the number of your followers or views on your blog?

do you judge your worth based on how many likes on your photos?

do you try to make your life look better online than it really is?

well if so...Welcome to the club!

tell me about it. i'd love to hear your thoughts. Comment. Facebook me. tell me YOUR story.

Lots of love,