Open Your Eyes -The Reality Our Girls Face

This is a poem i wrote. it's a little sloppy but it gets the point across.



Open Your Eyes
By: Abigail Kelley



Natural is flawless.

To cover up is to hide

Too fat, too thin, too in-between

Is perfect in His eyes.



Starvation is not a third world problem

Self-harming is now a religion

Depression results in the mausoleum

Although we’ve been forgiven




The media is our guide

To what life should be like

We nip and tuck and cut, cut, cut

Till our blood has run dry




Hollywood is paradise,

Models are the gods

The magazine is the new bible

In which we base our life on




Running our world

Around a fake façade

The imagery and false skin

Is what we desperately try to be in




Knowing it’s false

Knowing the truth

We swallow the lies

And preach it to our youth.




It’s time to open our eyes

What’s inside of our young girls

It’s time to realize

It’s not just about the prettiest curls




It’s a fight to the death

The death to oneself

Who can eat the least

To be the prettiest on the shelf




Open your mind

See what’s infecting

Your precious daughters

That the grave is collecting




Tell them they’re beautiful

Say that they’re perfect

Get into their lives

And tell them they’re worth it




Perfection is a disease

That’s infecting the souls

Of our perfect daughters

And flawless girls




The media lies

Beauty is within

Tell them to be comfortable

In their skin




For they were wonderfully made

By the hand of God

If you tell them they’re perfect

You might be the only one.

This is something i constantly try to stress to people. as a woman who, as a teenager, struggled a LOT with self harm, depression and bad body image, this os something that weighs heavy on my heart. being depressed and having low self esteem is not just "teen angst" or "hormones." it's real. it's something almost ALL women and girls struggle with.

If you've read my last post you will know my thoughts and where i stand on the whole "Thinspo" thing and bad body image. we constantly compare ourselves to what we see in the media. to the false portrayal on what we are supposed to look like. the media, the models, the photoshop experts... they're deceiving each and every one of us, saying that if you don't look like this, you're not beautiful.

however, as stated in my last post, you can see that the photos are fake. they're photoshopped. thighs are trimmed. waists are thinned. bottom is tightened...etc. not even the models look like what they want to. and if they do, they are starving themselves to achieve it.

our girls today are doing the same thing. go in Instagram and look up #skinny or #thin or #thinspo. you'll see the horrific images that young girls are posting. here are just a few.

This is the real world.

the end of my poem says it all.
tell her she is beautiful, because you might be the only one in her life to ever say it.

Get Skinny! Number One Way To Look Great Now! Thinspo!

 

What is the deal???

"Thinspo." the combination of Thin+Inspiration. this term is meant to encourage women on their weight-loss journey through pretty images like you see above. however, what the heck kind of imagery and morals are being put out there?? these images are what young women today thrive off of. if they don't look like the girls in the photos, then they're not pretty. 

 i hate that!

This whole Thinspo thing is crazy. now, I'm not saying if you look like these girls you're ugly. no, I'm not saying this at all. i know plenty of women who are extremely thin that are beautiful and healthy. they simply cannot gain weight. just like i have seen plenty of women who, now a days, would be described as "fat" who are just as gorgeous. 

everyone is looking for that perfect body type. we all want to know what "True Beauty" is. 

Is beauty described as hipbones and a thigh gap? is it long, beach hair and false lashes? it is big boobs and "junk in the trunk?" is beauty when you have those "pin-up" girl legs? is it a size 0 or a size 18? what is the perfect size?

well this is beauty according to the world we live in...

wow... well thats just great...

let me just tell you, this is total BULL. now, I'm not fat. I'm also not skinny. but i don't believe this stuff at all. Inner beauty is TRUE beauty. i don't care if you're a smokin' hot super model; if you're a nasty person, you're not going to be very pretty. and vise versa. 

Now I'm not going to continue on about that. mainly, I'm here to tell as many people as i can to

KNOCK IT OFF!!

i am SO sick of seeing these "thinspo" pictures and pro-disorder quotes. 

it's killing our young girls (and boys actually.) it's making women everywhere feel less beautiful and making men think that women are only beautiful if the look like the magazine models. 

Well guess what...

IT'S A LIE!

Oh, look at that. 

Yeah, we all want that magazine body... but how could we ever possibly achieve that if it doesn't even exist!? not even the models have that kind of body. no one looks like that. 

See what photoshop can do?

yep...same girl. same picture. 

i guarantee if you DO have that body type, are you completely blemish free? if you DO have clear skin, do you have a "muffin top"? if you have NO cellulite, is your hair perfect? do you break out? do you have a "tummy roll" when you're sitting? of course you do...

 BECAUSE YOU ARE A HUMAN!! 

no one looks like the models. not even those with eating disorders. 

it's just not possible to achieve. 

So why do we do it? 

because society messes with our head. they say that the "beautiful" people look like this...so we must too.  but the "beautiful" people don't even look like this!

Jennifer Lawrence. Beautiful right? seriously, is there ANYTHING wrong with this woman? not from what i can see. but for some reason, she is still not perfect enough for our society. 

 This beautiful, slender, flawless girl was still not perfect enough. i would kill to have her body. her UN-photoshopped body. 

yet... her thighs were thinned out, her arms made smaller. her waist was drastically reduced. even her face was slenderized. Why?

Cuz that's the world we live in. 

ive been watching the show Skins lately. (the UK version) i'm not necessarily condoning this show... but there was one aspect which i LOVED. it's that none of the "beautiful" women, were "thin." thin to OUR standards.

Now, this is just an example from one episode. but let me tell you... when i watch a normal TV show, created for young adults and teens, i ALWAYS walk away feeling like I'm ugly the next time i look in the mirror. i was watching the new 90210 series and every time i would see this...

i would feel like THAT is what i need to look like. now I'm not condemning her for looking like this... but i AM concerned about what this is doing to our society. 

As i was watching Skins, there was a scene when they were all at the beach in bikinis and i saw... *gasp* FAT!! 

OH MER GERSH!

yes... i fell in love with this show from then on. haha. 

these were the pretty girls and they had a stomach. and love handles. and freckles. and pimples!! this TV show presented girls NATURALLY. hardly any of the cast wears thick makeup. and none of them had to lose weight in order to star. 

THIS is real. 

Skins is not a reality show, it's a TV show. but it didn't put a fake façade on on the women. 

now... im almost done ranting. if you're still reading this at this point, I will either say "bravo" and thank you for staying with me through my rant. or  "you really need to get a life."

to sum up my blabbering... i am sick of this "thinspo" crap and the media telling girls to stop eating to be beautiful. 

As i said, i love Skins (yeah, I'm back to that). it not only showed the "chubby" (as our society would call them) girls as beautiful, it also showed what girls REALLY go through...

this is the reality of our society today. "I didn't eat...so i could be lovely."

how sad is this? 

this needs to change. and i believe the change will start when we start loving OUR OWN bodies. fat, thin, i don't care what you call yourself...

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. 

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.     

Psalm 139:13-14

Who Am I? -Forum-

I was asked by one of my Instagram mommy followers to write something for her blog. she is presenting funky, inspirational mama's.

click the link to read more about her:

So here is it.

--Who are you?

my Name is Abigail Joy Kelley. Most people call me Abby, though i hate that. the only people who i feel are allowed to call me Abby are my family and friends from high school. it was my name as a child, but now that i'm older, i want to put the past in the past and "start fresh" so i'd like people to call me by my REAL name, Abigail. 

i am 23 years old (though i still feel like i'm 18 sometimes.) i am married to my best friend in the whole world and we have a baby boy, Oliver who is a little over a year old.

--What is your inspiration?

Honestly, i don't truly have one inspiration. i am inspired by everything this world has to offer. sometimes is a musician who inspires my music writing/playing. or a person i meet who inspires me to do certain things. or it's a work of art that inspires me to create. pretty much anything can inspire me. i think most of all though, it would be #1, my God. who inspires me to be the best version of myself i can be and to truly love others like He asks of me. and #2, my husband. who always inspires me to be a better wife and a better person. 

--What is the most beautiful thing about your typical day?

well, #1, when i go into my sons room when he wakes up and he smiles at me and holds me tight.

#2, when my husband comes home after a long day and he holds me tight as well.

--What else is your passion besides your family?

my passion besides my family would definitely be music. i have always been in love with music. listening to it, creating it...whatever. i write my own music a lot and i play guitar and a little piano. my absolute favorite passion is singing. more than any instrument, i love to sing.

i currently lead our church's worship team. Also, my husband and I write music together. he plays bass, guitar and drums. we've been in the process of getting a good chunk of songs written together to play somewhere

--Do you have a business besides your momma job?

I do crocheting on the side through my Etsy account. (www.etsy.com/shop/abigailkelleydesigns) it's just to bring in a little extra money for the home. i have a wonderful husband who is willing to work over full-time to support us. 

--Where do you live?

I live in Prescott, Arizona (USA) it's a beautiful, peaceful neighborhood in the forest mountains. We live in a two story home with our best friends Robb, Britt and their baby boy Elijah. 

--How is it going with your baby these days?

It's...going. haha. Oliver, my beautiful baby boy is now 14 months old and he is...well... a toddler. The good things are that he has an insane personality. i don't know where he comes up with some of the things he does. his facial expressions are priceless and he lives to make others laugh. on the downside of becoming his own person, he is crying for everything and starting to throw fits. if you tell him "no," he will hold his breath, turn bright red, puff out his chest/or fall backwards then scream. yeah......that's fun when you're in public. and whats worse is that i ignore him. it's the best thing i can do when he throws a tantrum but when we are in public, all i get are nasty stares for allowing my child to freak out. i just know if i pay attention to it, he will only scream more. oh motherhood... haha.

--Do you have a special item in your house that means a lot to you?

not really. i am very sentimental...and a packrat. so i keep a lot of things that i think are "sentimental." haha. 

--Which place are you daydreaming about and why?

the beach... always the beach. me and my husband had our first getaway two weeks ago without Oliver. it was 3 days ad we went to California to the beach and clubs. it was MUCH needed but it was hard for me to leave my little guy at home with grandma for 3 days. it was the longest i had ever been without him. though, now that we've done it... I'm itching to do it again. ha. parents need a break every once in a while. 

--Who gives you power, and strength and hope in your life?

My awesome God. Jesus. He is my saviour and everything i do, i do for Him. i wouldn't be where i am in my life today if it wasn't for His never ending grace. He loves me even through all the awful things i have done in my past and He gives me strength to live each day.

--What inspires you about other mothers?

Probably their patience and their utter love for their children. i see mothers going places with their kids, signing up for mommy and me classes, playing in the living room at home, snuggling on the couch... and i just wish i would do more of that. i am a SAHM and i obviously love my life and my son, but every now and then, i notice that I'm not spending enough time with my son. i nee to get better at that. i respect the mothers who can sit there with their baby all day long, never taking a moment for themselves. (though i know all moms need a break,) but when you have five children hanging all over you and you're still playing and laughing... i respect that!

--What is your dream?

my dream has always been to be a mother ultimately. and I've achieved that. though i guess my next dream would be to be able to do something musically in the world. play shows. tour. write music. make an album. something to that effect. 

--What do you do in a difficult moment?

Pray. always pray. it's the only real thing that works. 

--Can you give us some wisdom our way?

Support your husband/partner. Be patient with your children. Be happy with whatever is thrown your way. and Love your life. 

--What inspires you about motherhood and about other mommies?

being able to care or another life is beautiful. knowing that i am responsible for who Oliver is going to be is a heavy burden but it is also the one thing that inspires me every day to be the best that i can be for him. 

Here are some photos for s a little glimpse into my life...

The day i had my son. my husband was the most incredible supporter i have ever known.

Family photos when Oliver was 6 weeks old.

Michael and My Wedding Day. 11/11/11

my passion, writing and creating music. 

my other job. Kelley Designs on Etsy

(www.etsy.com/shop/abigailkelleydesigns)

Our home in the pines. 

a day in the life of Oliver and me. TOYS EVERYWHERE!

The view from our house. 

Music. always doing music.

My baby boy and I downtown.

Family.

Daddy and Oliver making music.

When You're With Them, Be WITH Them.

"This has got to be one of the hardest habits for me to break."

let me start off by saying, i love my son more than anything. he is my world. but being 10 months old, sometimes he's not all that "exciting" to be around. I'm not the kind of mom who sits and plays with her baby all day long, 24/7. he has his alone playtime, and i have mine. but when i AM playing with him, i am noticing more and more that I'm not actually WITH him. This has got to be one of the hardest habits for me to break.

Computers, Social Media, iPhones, TV's... yes, we love all of these things and sometimes, being a SAHM these things mean our sanity. but how often are we using these things when we should be with our children?

i am SO guilty of this! When I'm playing with Oliver and he's not being the best "entertainer," i find myself pulling my phone out of my pocket and going on Instagram or checking my Facebook. i figure, "Well I'm still in the room; I'm still sitting on the floor next to him; that works for our "together time."

NO WAY!

when you're with you children, be WITH them.

this has been very hard for me to learn but it is SO important to remember.
it is extremely easy to turn on the TV for you or your child so it makes your playtime with them easier. or to sit your baby down on the floor and check your e-mail or Facebook.

sometimes i even find myself taking pictures of Oliver being cute (as usual) and it's totally harmless, but when i sit there for ten minutes editing the picture and posting it on my Instagram and then continuing to scroll through my news feed... that's when it becomes wrong.

one day i was feeding him his breakfast and he was taking forever to chew each bite (even though he has no teeth yet) so i pulled out my phone and started scrolling through my news feed to waste time while Oliver was chewing. he then grunted and took my phone out of my hands and threw it on the ground. MY 10 MONTH OLD!!

yeah, that hit me hard!

since i don't dedicate my ENTIRE day to playing with my son one on one, i OWE him my full attention for that one hour. at LEAST!

just some food for thought. i'm not saying get rid of your phones or TV, (those things come in HANDY when you're a parent.) I'm just saying to take an hour out of your day and leave your phone in another room and keep the TV off and just play with them. (or talk, if your kids are older)

Much Love
xoxo,

I am a Stay At Home Mom and I'm Happy

I've heard a lot of people say that being a Stay At Home Mom isn't something you shoot for in life, it's something you reluctantly become after getting "knocked up."

This may be true for some people but not for me. 

since i was about 5 years old, I've wanted to become a mom. i took care of my baby dolls, changed their diapers and brushed their hair. i would even make my own dolls and care for them as if the were my own children. 

Once i got into high school, I was told to write a paper on "Where I See Myself In 10 Years." obviously i knew where i wanted to be. Married with one or two children, being a Stay At Home Mom. though i didn't write that. i wrote that i wanted to go to Art school and get an art degree and get a job in design. 

Don't get me wrong, i still LOVE art and once life slows down a little bit, i think i might like to take another art class at the college. (just for fun) and if we need another income, i'd LOVE to do design from home, but i never actually wanted to go to college and get a degree. i said it because i assumed society thought it would be a "copout." like being a SAHM is just a way for women to be lazy and not work. or, like i said before, it's something you're reluctantly "trapped" in. 

i did a year of college, took some basic classes like Biology, (only because i had to in order to graduate high school) a few English classes, some art and design classes, etc. but i never got a degree or even a certificate. 

i met my husband during that first year of college and that kind of changed everything. we were married a year later and got pregnant almost a year after that.

my dream was coming true. Now i am a SAHM with a full-time working husband. and i LOVE my life. this is exact;y where i wanted to be. 

now i said my HUSBAND works full time... though i do too.

"HOW DO YOU WORK IF YOURE A FULL-TIME STAY AT HOME MOM?"

ha ha ha.

being a SAHM  is work! I work full time. 

so now when people ask me what i do for a living, this is what i'd like to say...

I am a caregiver

I am a teacher

I am a physical therapist

I am a house maid

I am a cook

I am a designer

I am a songwriter

I am a barista

I am a home decorator

I am an organizer

I am a puppeteer 

I am an entertainer

I am... a MOM.

xoxo,

Remember: "You're A Good Mom"

I recently commented on a post from a dear Instagram mom friend. she basically feels like she isn't a good enough mom to her baby boy and that she constantly compares her life to other "super-moms" on Instagram saying, "I'm not good enough, I'm not as good of a mom..." and, me, having a lot to say on the matter, commented a novel to her. ha. 

well, here are my thoughts on that...

I think, if you're comparing your life to other mom's, you're a good parent. now, I'm not saying that it's GOOD to compare yourself, or that it's necessarily RIGHT; I'm just saying that if you are, then you must want to do better. and being a parent, you can always try to do and be better. Your children are worth it. they deserve to have the BEST version of you all the time. 

Though, comparing yourself isn't always a good thing. you can look at other moms and how they raise their children and aspire to be like them... but if you are constantly comparing yourself to them by means of cutting YOURSELF down, then i think that's detrimental to your self-esteem, your confidence in your parenthood an yourself as a person. you can aspire to be "like" someone else without getting down on yourself.

So don't "compare" your life to someone else's, but use them as an "inspiration" for you to do better. 

I find myself comparing my life and my style of parenting to other moms ALL the time. now, it's not just moms i know in person, but mostly moms i follow on sites like Facebook or Instagram. i see these photos or status updates they post and i think, "wow, their life is perfect!"

CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!

yep, that's all crap.

no one's life is perfect. see, comparing my life to someones Instagram life is pointless. people only post the photos of the happy moments in their lives. or the pictures where mom and baby are smiling, or doing activities together or playing, etc. no one posts what actually happens in their home. that mom you so desperately want to be like, well she isn't going to stop to take a picture of the time she bangs her baby's head on the door jam. or the moments where she hides in the bathroom, leaving baby to fend for himself, praying he won't get into anything TOO dangerous. or when her and her husband are fighting and screaming profanities at each other. or even the times when she wasn't sure how to properly feed or take care of her baby. 

see, people only post photos of their "highlight-reel" of life. the moments that bring a smile or laugh to someone. not the knitty-gritty things you don't want anyone to know about. 

If you are someone who gets down on yourself for not being a "good enough mom" or not being able to be "like someone else," remember that the person you're trying to measure up to, has faults too. you just can't see them. (ESPECIALLY on social media.)

if you look at my Instagram feed, (located on my home page) you'd think my life is pretty perfect. but all those above things i mentioned... those are MY mom experiences. (some of the better ones. ha) i sugarcoat my life online just like anyone else. 

there is a VERY high possibility that the Instagram mom you wish you could measure up to, is most likely thinking the same thing about your "highlight-reel" and wishing she could have your perfect life. 

Just remember, you ARE a good enough mom. just do what you believe is right and try not to get down on yourself. if you're doing the best that YOU know how to do, then that's where you need to be. 

xoxo,

Cruisin'

"Peek-A-Boo Mommy!"

Well, i no longer have a "baby."

i have a crawler. after a few months of scooting and rolling to get to where he wants to go, my son, Oliver has finally mastered the crawl. he started crawling, pulling himself up to stand, saying "dada" and "baba" all in the matter of two days before the new year. i think he thought he was falling behind so he'd better get it done before 2014. 

It's crazy how mobile my little 9 month old is. he's getting into EVERYTHING! normally when i have some chill time or i'm crocheting, i sit in my rocking chair or on the bed and have him crawl around the bedroom. i figured i can put some toys in the center of the room and that would entertain him. he wouldn't get to the other stuff in the room.

yep.....i'm...a...first...time...mom......

does he touch the toys? uh, no. 

he goes STRAIGHT for anything he's not supposed to have. his favorite things are shoes. mine, dad's, his. it doesn't matter. a shoe is a shoe. and to Oliver, it's a teething toy. 

now yarn...there's something you should never leave in a bag on the floor. especially if you use it for your business. two minutes of not looking at your baby and he will be swimming in it. yes. swimming. i caught him diving, head first, wading through the strings of yarn 'till he was completely surrounded on all sides. THAT was a fun clean up. 

needless to say. my life has now consisted of trying to "catch" my 9 month old. that's my life. all...day...long.

(but i wouldn't trade it for anything!)

xoxo,