To Find True Love

As I open my eyes to embrace the day, he rolls over into my arms. 

He nuzzles his head into my neck and rubs his eyes to awaken. 

He is the most beautiful boy I have ever laid eyes on and I get to wake up to him every day. 

As he puts his hand on my cheek, my breath slows. 

As he stares at me with his majestic, dark eyes, my heart skips a beat. 

And when he smiles that unbelievably perfect gap-toothed smile, I know what love truly is. 

He is my son. And I am his mother.

No love can compare to this. 

Written By: Abigail Kelley 

© All rights reserved, 2014

Oliver's One Year Photos

My son's 1 year photo session.
nothing special... just memories for me: his loving Mama!

photography by A Storybook Moment Photography




ENJOY!

I just wanna say one thing...
life would not be possible without this SEXY man right here...

jus sayin.

PS, check out his blog at wordslessstated.blogspot.com

Hugs and Kittens,

Bombshell Blond

Image Credit: Tumblr- wastedyears-wastedy0uth

Sitting in my chair at my computer, trying my best to fake a smile until my shift is over, when in she comes. Tall.Thin. Beautiful.

Now, mind you, when I got ready today, I actually did my hair and put on, what I thought was my best, light natural-looking makeup, and I actually felt pretty…for once.

But in a matter on three seconds, all the confidence I once held vanished. Gone. Never to be seen again.

There she came, waltzing into my workplace in all her glory. Her hair was the perfect shade of blond, as if shehad just left her summer at the beach. She wore highwedges which accentuated her long, tan legs and a simple yet strikingly beautiful dress.

The girl I envied all throughout high school. The girl I hated and loved at the same time. The girl who relentlessly bullied me but who I admired most.

Her walk, the way she talked, her perfectly white teeth, her tall stature, the way girls and guys both flocked towards her… she was a ghastly perfection.

As she walked through the double doors, my eyes dropped for fear of her seeing me in a low end job. I hadn’t seen her since graduation. We aren’t evenFacebook friends. I wanted to keep a hold of the cool and collective image that I had of myself, and that I thought everyone else had of me too.

Suddenly, as she walked past me, not even glancing in my direction, I sank in my chair. The appreciation I felt for the way I looked today was gone. I suddenly hated myself. I hated my frumpy, dark hair and my big glasses, I hated my uniform (I didn’t have a choice on that one,) I hated my dark eyes, I hated my chubby belly, I hated my short legs and thick thighs, I hated that I would never be able to walk that gracefully in high heels like she did. I was disgusted with myself.

I now knew why I was teased in school. I knew, and everyone else knew, that I would never be a part of the “beautiful blond” crowd.

With every step she took, she unknowingly mocked me.

She made me feel pathetic. Like she was this goddess lowering her standards to walk through a dirty Office store, while I sat, feeling humiliated, watching her glide gracefully as I tried to hide my face.

Even though I'm pretty sure she didn't even see me, I was embarrassed. No matter how many times I tell myself "the past is the past," it still haunts me. 

Yes, the past IS the past, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't affect us. 

My past defines me. 

No I was not the coolest in high school. I tried so hard to be someone I wasn't and I got ridiculed for it. But it's what has made me ME! 

I'm learning to appreciate my past. Every mocking comment; every cyber bully; every mean text; these have all made me who I am. If I hadn't been made fun of, I may have joined the "beautiful crowd" like I wanted. Then I would have been the one mocking someone else. 

I would have been the girl waltzing through an office store, making an old classmate feel insecure. 

I'm happy with the path I took. 

I don't judge her for the way she made me feel, I'm sure she had no idea how she affected me, but the mere fact is that I want to be more alert and aware of how I unknowingly make people feel. 

My thoughts for today. 

Day of Independence

I know that a picture is worth a thousand words... But let's see how many I can write without any pictures. 

I just might be the only one who didn't post a fireworks photo online from the 4th. 

Normally, I have my phone out and camera ready at ALL times. 

Yesterday, the 4th of July, my phone died. 

ER-MER-GERD!! 

We went to Pioneer Park for the first time. The biggest 4th of July celebration gathering in Arizona. It was also Oliver's first REAL 4th. The first year that he could actually watch and enjoy the fireworks.

He had a BLAST! 

He was screaming, dancing, waving glow sticks and saying "wow" to all the fireworks. I so wish I could have captured the moment on camera. 

However, not having my phone was probably the best thing for me. I got the chance to spend a special occasion with my family simply ENJOYING the moment. Not worrying about how the moment is going to look on my phone later or thinking about posting it online. 

It was something that doesn't happen often. Instead of worrying about trying to capture the perfect shot, I sat back next to my husband with my baby on my lap and soaked up every minute of the night; no cameras in hand. 

My night was "picture perfect"... Without the pictures.

I challenge you all to spend the next holiday or family time out without your phones or cameras. 

No, you won't be able to reminisce on the photos later and no, you won't be able to post your "highlight-reel" photos online for the world to see.  But you WILL be able to dwell in the moment and learn to take life as it comes and enjoy it. Just you and whoever you are spending the day with. It'll be a day to remember... In your OWN head. 

How was your 4th of July? 

Comment and tell me about it. 

Lots of love,

I Really Don't Care - LGBTQ

Demi Lovato's new music video "I Really Don't Care" has really struck a chord with me. 

it's something i've been thinking about a lot lately. 

the big "G" word. 

G A Y.

"This guy has a 'Burn In Hell' poster. You don't have to hate, because my Jesus loves ALL!"

this is how she starts out her new music video. she's performing at L.A pride and declares that Jesus loves them ALL. 

finally, someone speaking out against the "burn in Hell" posters and the Anti-Gay picketers with a POSITIVE message. and a TRUE one at that!

I am a christian. however i do NOT think the LGBTQ's are going to hell. 

The bible says, 

"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination." 

Leviticus 18:22

This is what the world thinks of Christians. that we are all "gay haters."

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, ...nor men who practice homosexuality... will inherit the kingdom of God. "

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

THIS IS WRONG!

If we as Christians proclaim to believe the Bible is the true Word of God and we believe the whole bible, then we need to know that that is NOT the whole verse.

everyone seems to be forgetting the rest...

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

did you read that? 

yes. homosexuality is against God.

but so is... idolatry. (putting something before God. we do this daily.)

thievery.

greed.

drunkards.

sexually immorality.

etc. 

how many of you have ever gotten drunk? how many of you have had sex outside of marriage? how many of you have ever stolen anything? who has ever been greedy? idolized something?  been GAY?!

well then you're obviously not going to heaven right?

WRONG!

it says, "But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

you were washed.

you were sanctified. (meaning: free from sin; pure. make legitimate or binding by religious sanction)

you aren't banned to Hell just because you're gay. 

if we thought that way, that would mean everyone who has ever thought a wrong sexual thought, or anyone who has been greedy, or stolen anything would be damned to Hell. 

JESUS LOVES YOU! no matter who you are or who you love.

i do not think God approves of homosexuality...but He also doesn't approve of lying or gossip or greed... something we do on a daily basis.

i think it's about the relationship between the individual and God. i know people who love Jesus with all their hearts, who are homosexual. just because you are gay, doesn't mean you can't love Jesus. because He CERTAINLY loves you!

There are health risks involved with Homosexuality and i believe it is because God did not design it to be that way. but He is not going to damn you to hell because you are gay. He wants you to be safe and healthy and love Him with all your heart. 

just like he says do not get drunk. it's not that you're going to hell if you are an alcoholic; it's just that God designed our bodies and He knows what is good for them. getting drunk can lead to 1) poor decisions. 2) sickness. 3)hospitalization from alcohol poisoning. 

i have been drunk plenty of times. it was fun while it was going on but i felt awful the next morning. 

you're not against God if you get drunk, He just wants you to be healthy. because...

HE LOVES YOU!

He created you and He knows how your body should work.

The bible does say that we need to accept Jesus Christ as our savior and invite Him into our life.

"if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”
Romans 10:9-11

Accept God as your savior and begin to have a relationship with Him. begin to make a change in your life for the good; for God, and He will reveal in your life what changes He wants to see in your individual life.

That is basically what i wanted to share. to get off my chest. 

i SO DESPERATELY want the world to know how much God loves them. 

i know this could lead into SO many more topics like "how could a loving God make such a cruel world." etc. but that will be saved for another time. 

i just want everyone to know that you are loved. 

yes. jesus loves GAYS!!!!

Jesus loves ALL.

just love Him back and accept Him as your savior.

that's all He wants in return. 

His love for us NEVER fails. 

Love and kisses,

Picture Perfect Life

i have gotten so many comments from people that i have never met saying things like, "i just love how perfect you are" or "you and your husband seem like the perfect couple." or 

"I want a perfect family like yours."

wow. that's all i can say about that. 

wow.

let's clear things up...

I'M NOT PERFECT!

i'm nowhere near perfect! this goes back to one of my previous blog posts, "Remember, You're A Good Mom". 

When posting things on Instagram or Facebook, you naturally post your "best" moments. you post photos of kissing your significant other, or having a picnic in the park. sometimes you even post a status of something embarrassingly funny you did... but something YOU can laugh about too. 

you would never dare post a photo of you when you're in a deep sleep with your mouth hanging open and drool on your pillow. or a video of you yelling at your child to shut up. or a status of the time when you forgot to wear a pad/tampon and it leaked through your pants so you poured ketchup on your chair so people would think that you sat in ketchup. (sorry men, girl moment.)

why wouldn't you want to tell the whole world about that? 

CUZ IT'S FREAKING EMBARRASSING!!

we all want everyone to think we have a perfect life. i mean, isn't that why we #hashtag our photos? so other people would see it? we post a photo of us sleeping, cuddled up with our baby (posed, of course. you would NEVER post a photo of you ACTUALLY sleeping. besides, its a selfie... how would you take it anyway?) we tag it with #sleeping #cute #adorable #peaceful. 

when in all actuality, if your toddler sleeps in your bed with you, you know very well that it's not a peaceful, cuddle time for 12 hours. no, it's getting kicked in the ribs and punched in the face every five minutes. it's waking up every time your baby breathes funny or snores. it's not peaceful at ALL.

but we want it to seem like that to everyone else.

now guess what, to all the people who think i'm so "perfect"... everything listed above are things that have personally happened to ME!

this was a recent comment i got from a follower.

this one was SOOOO sweet, but it got me thinking, people are only seeing my "highlight-reel".

yes, i love to post pretty, edited photos. my Instagram is my artistic photo album. I edit all my photos, crop them, brighten the colours. i make my life look pretty darn perfect. but... it's not.

i have been married for almost three years. My husband and i have a baby boy (not really a baby anymore, he's 15 months old.) and from the outside, i have the american dream. i am a stay at home mom, i take care of our pretty little apartment and raise our beautiful boy. my husband goes to work full-time then comes home to love on us. he is also a pastor at our church and i am the worship leader.

ISN'T OUR LIFE PERFECT??

wrong.

what i failed to mention is that when i wake up, i wake up to a screaming toddler in the next room. instead of getting up right away to see his beautiful baby face, i turn down the monitor, roll over and try to get a few more minutes of sleep. 

when i finally groan and force my body out of bed and drag myself into the baby room, all i really want to do is yell at my child saying "SHUT UP" but i don't. (not every time anyways. ha.)

feeding my son is always a struggle, half the time it all ends up on the floor and i have to step out of the room to breath so i won't curse at a 15 month old. 

when my husband comes home from work, there is rarely dinner ready for him. no, it's normally him calling me on his way home saying "what can i pick up for us to eat tonight? pizza?"

i hear all the time, "i love how devoted your family is to God and your church."

well... that IS true...kinda. 

i love doing worship. worship is my REAL way of connecting with God. and i adore music. however, normally an hour before our worship practice on Thursday, i am lying in bed ready to punch someone cuz i do NOT want to go. it's not that i don't love serving God, or worshiping Him, i just would rather lay my lazy butt in bed and hibernate for three months. 

to those of you who are "jealous" of my perfect life and wonderful family... well SO AM I!

i only wish i had that perfect little life that i seem to portray online. 

my husband and i fight. quite a bit actually. we get pissed off and storm out of the room. i get mad at my son. sometimes i have to leave him in his playroom just because i don't want to see him. (if you don't have kids, don't judge me. if you DO have kids...then you'll understand this very well.) 

i'm not always happy. in fact, i take depression medication because i cry all day long without it. my hair is rarely done when i stay home. i have acne. i photoshop my pictures. i have an anger problem. i was bullied in high school. i'm not popular. i am incredibly shy. people think i'm mean when they meet me, cuz i'm shy. Michael and i disagree a lot. we don't always have a good sex life. i'm insecure. i don't have enough patience for my husband and my baby. i embarrass myself daily. sometimes i want to run away. 

these are just a FEW honest details of my life. 

ironically enough, even though i'm writing this, i still won't post the nasty little details of my life online. but i DO want to remind all of you that you're not the only weird one in life. 

i don't have a perfect life, but i do have a happy one. 

i love my life. i love my family. i love my church. i love my Jesus. 

i would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. 

what do you think of all this?

 do you ever judge yourself by what you see other people posting online? 

do you feel insecure or "lowly" by what the people you follow post?

do you feel like you're not popular because of the number of your followers or views on your blog?

do you judge your worth based on how many likes on your photos?

do you try to make your life look better online than it really is?

well if so...Welcome to the club!

tell me about it. i'd love to hear your thoughts. Comment. Facebook me. tell me YOUR story.

Lots of love,

Open Your Eyes -The Reality Our Girls Face

This is a poem i wrote. it's a little sloppy but it gets the point across.



Open Your Eyes
By: Abigail Kelley



Natural is flawless.

To cover up is to hide

Too fat, too thin, too in-between

Is perfect in His eyes.



Starvation is not a third world problem

Self-harming is now a religion

Depression results in the mausoleum

Although we’ve been forgiven




The media is our guide

To what life should be like

We nip and tuck and cut, cut, cut

Till our blood has run dry




Hollywood is paradise,

Models are the gods

The magazine is the new bible

In which we base our life on




Running our world

Around a fake façade

The imagery and false skin

Is what we desperately try to be in




Knowing it’s false

Knowing the truth

We swallow the lies

And preach it to our youth.




It’s time to open our eyes

What’s inside of our young girls

It’s time to realize

It’s not just about the prettiest curls




It’s a fight to the death

The death to oneself

Who can eat the least

To be the prettiest on the shelf




Open your mind

See what’s infecting

Your precious daughters

That the grave is collecting




Tell them they’re beautiful

Say that they’re perfect

Get into their lives

And tell them they’re worth it




Perfection is a disease

That’s infecting the souls

Of our perfect daughters

And flawless girls




The media lies

Beauty is within

Tell them to be comfortable

In their skin




For they were wonderfully made

By the hand of God

If you tell them they’re perfect

You might be the only one.

This is something i constantly try to stress to people. as a woman who, as a teenager, struggled a LOT with self harm, depression and bad body image, this os something that weighs heavy on my heart. being depressed and having low self esteem is not just "teen angst" or "hormones." it's real. it's something almost ALL women and girls struggle with.

If you've read my last post you will know my thoughts and where i stand on the whole "Thinspo" thing and bad body image. we constantly compare ourselves to what we see in the media. to the false portrayal on what we are supposed to look like. the media, the models, the photoshop experts... they're deceiving each and every one of us, saying that if you don't look like this, you're not beautiful.

however, as stated in my last post, you can see that the photos are fake. they're photoshopped. thighs are trimmed. waists are thinned. bottom is tightened...etc. not even the models look like what they want to. and if they do, they are starving themselves to achieve it.

our girls today are doing the same thing. go in Instagram and look up #skinny or #thin or #thinspo. you'll see the horrific images that young girls are posting. here are just a few.

This is the real world.

the end of my poem says it all.
tell her she is beautiful, because you might be the only one in her life to ever say it.