Bombshell Blond

Image Credit: Tumblr- wastedyears-wastedy0uth

Sitting in my chair at my computer, trying my best to fake a smile until my shift is over, when in she comes. Tall.Thin. Beautiful.

Now, mind you, when I got ready today, I actually did my hair and put on, what I thought was my best, light natural-looking makeup, and I actually felt pretty…for once.

But in a matter on three seconds, all the confidence I once held vanished. Gone. Never to be seen again.

There she came, waltzing into my workplace in all her glory. Her hair was the perfect shade of blond, as if shehad just left her summer at the beach. She wore highwedges which accentuated her long, tan legs and a simple yet strikingly beautiful dress.

The girl I envied all throughout high school. The girl I hated and loved at the same time. The girl who relentlessly bullied me but who I admired most.

Her walk, the way she talked, her perfectly white teeth, her tall stature, the way girls and guys both flocked towards her… she was a ghastly perfection.

As she walked through the double doors, my eyes dropped for fear of her seeing me in a low end job. I hadn’t seen her since graduation. We aren’t evenFacebook friends. I wanted to keep a hold of the cool and collective image that I had of myself, and that I thought everyone else had of me too.

Suddenly, as she walked past me, not even glancing in my direction, I sank in my chair. The appreciation I felt for the way I looked today was gone. I suddenly hated myself. I hated my frumpy, dark hair and my big glasses, I hated my uniform (I didn’t have a choice on that one,) I hated my dark eyes, I hated my chubby belly, I hated my short legs and thick thighs, I hated that I would never be able to walk that gracefully in high heels like she did. I was disgusted with myself.

I now knew why I was teased in school. I knew, and everyone else knew, that I would never be a part of the “beautiful blond” crowd.

With every step she took, she unknowingly mocked me.

She made me feel pathetic. Like she was this goddess lowering her standards to walk through a dirty Office store, while I sat, feeling humiliated, watching her glide gracefully as I tried to hide my face.

Even though I'm pretty sure she didn't even see me, I was embarrassed. No matter how many times I tell myself "the past is the past," it still haunts me. 

Yes, the past IS the past, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't affect us. 

My past defines me. 

No I was not the coolest in high school. I tried so hard to be someone I wasn't and I got ridiculed for it. But it's what has made me ME! 

I'm learning to appreciate my past. Every mocking comment; every cyber bully; every mean text; these have all made me who I am. If I hadn't been made fun of, I may have joined the "beautiful crowd" like I wanted. Then I would have been the one mocking someone else. 

I would have been the girl waltzing through an office store, making an old classmate feel insecure. 

I'm happy with the path I took. 

I don't judge her for the way she made me feel, I'm sure she had no idea how she affected me, but the mere fact is that I want to be more alert and aware of how I unknowingly make people feel. 

My thoughts for today. 

Open Your Eyes -The Reality Our Girls Face

This is a poem i wrote. it's a little sloppy but it gets the point across.



Open Your Eyes
By: Abigail Kelley



Natural is flawless.

To cover up is to hide

Too fat, too thin, too in-between

Is perfect in His eyes.



Starvation is not a third world problem

Self-harming is now a religion

Depression results in the mausoleum

Although we’ve been forgiven




The media is our guide

To what life should be like

We nip and tuck and cut, cut, cut

Till our blood has run dry




Hollywood is paradise,

Models are the gods

The magazine is the new bible

In which we base our life on




Running our world

Around a fake façade

The imagery and false skin

Is what we desperately try to be in




Knowing it’s false

Knowing the truth

We swallow the lies

And preach it to our youth.




It’s time to open our eyes

What’s inside of our young girls

It’s time to realize

It’s not just about the prettiest curls




It’s a fight to the death

The death to oneself

Who can eat the least

To be the prettiest on the shelf




Open your mind

See what’s infecting

Your precious daughters

That the grave is collecting




Tell them they’re beautiful

Say that they’re perfect

Get into their lives

And tell them they’re worth it




Perfection is a disease

That’s infecting the souls

Of our perfect daughters

And flawless girls




The media lies

Beauty is within

Tell them to be comfortable

In their skin




For they were wonderfully made

By the hand of God

If you tell them they’re perfect

You might be the only one.

This is something i constantly try to stress to people. as a woman who, as a teenager, struggled a LOT with self harm, depression and bad body image, this os something that weighs heavy on my heart. being depressed and having low self esteem is not just "teen angst" or "hormones." it's real. it's something almost ALL women and girls struggle with.

If you've read my last post you will know my thoughts and where i stand on the whole "Thinspo" thing and bad body image. we constantly compare ourselves to what we see in the media. to the false portrayal on what we are supposed to look like. the media, the models, the photoshop experts... they're deceiving each and every one of us, saying that if you don't look like this, you're not beautiful.

however, as stated in my last post, you can see that the photos are fake. they're photoshopped. thighs are trimmed. waists are thinned. bottom is tightened...etc. not even the models look like what they want to. and if they do, they are starving themselves to achieve it.

our girls today are doing the same thing. go in Instagram and look up #skinny or #thin or #thinspo. you'll see the horrific images that young girls are posting. here are just a few.

This is the real world.

the end of my poem says it all.
tell her she is beautiful, because you might be the only one in her life to ever say it.

Get Skinny! Number One Way To Look Great Now! Thinspo!

 

What is the deal???

"Thinspo." the combination of Thin+Inspiration. this term is meant to encourage women on their weight-loss journey through pretty images like you see above. however, what the heck kind of imagery and morals are being put out there?? these images are what young women today thrive off of. if they don't look like the girls in the photos, then they're not pretty. 

 i hate that!

This whole Thinspo thing is crazy. now, I'm not saying if you look like these girls you're ugly. no, I'm not saying this at all. i know plenty of women who are extremely thin that are beautiful and healthy. they simply cannot gain weight. just like i have seen plenty of women who, now a days, would be described as "fat" who are just as gorgeous. 

everyone is looking for that perfect body type. we all want to know what "True Beauty" is. 

Is beauty described as hipbones and a thigh gap? is it long, beach hair and false lashes? it is big boobs and "junk in the trunk?" is beauty when you have those "pin-up" girl legs? is it a size 0 or a size 18? what is the perfect size?

well this is beauty according to the world we live in...

wow... well thats just great...

let me just tell you, this is total BULL. now, I'm not fat. I'm also not skinny. but i don't believe this stuff at all. Inner beauty is TRUE beauty. i don't care if you're a smokin' hot super model; if you're a nasty person, you're not going to be very pretty. and vise versa. 

Now I'm not going to continue on about that. mainly, I'm here to tell as many people as i can to

KNOCK IT OFF!!

i am SO sick of seeing these "thinspo" pictures and pro-disorder quotes. 

it's killing our young girls (and boys actually.) it's making women everywhere feel less beautiful and making men think that women are only beautiful if the look like the magazine models. 

Well guess what...

IT'S A LIE!

Oh, look at that. 

Yeah, we all want that magazine body... but how could we ever possibly achieve that if it doesn't even exist!? not even the models have that kind of body. no one looks like that. 

See what photoshop can do?

yep...same girl. same picture. 

i guarantee if you DO have that body type, are you completely blemish free? if you DO have clear skin, do you have a "muffin top"? if you have NO cellulite, is your hair perfect? do you break out? do you have a "tummy roll" when you're sitting? of course you do...

 BECAUSE YOU ARE A HUMAN!! 

no one looks like the models. not even those with eating disorders. 

it's just not possible to achieve. 

So why do we do it? 

because society messes with our head. they say that the "beautiful" people look like this...so we must too.  but the "beautiful" people don't even look like this!

Jennifer Lawrence. Beautiful right? seriously, is there ANYTHING wrong with this woman? not from what i can see. but for some reason, she is still not perfect enough for our society. 

 This beautiful, slender, flawless girl was still not perfect enough. i would kill to have her body. her UN-photoshopped body. 

yet... her thighs were thinned out, her arms made smaller. her waist was drastically reduced. even her face was slenderized. Why?

Cuz that's the world we live in. 

ive been watching the show Skins lately. (the UK version) i'm not necessarily condoning this show... but there was one aspect which i LOVED. it's that none of the "beautiful" women, were "thin." thin to OUR standards.

Now, this is just an example from one episode. but let me tell you... when i watch a normal TV show, created for young adults and teens, i ALWAYS walk away feeling like I'm ugly the next time i look in the mirror. i was watching the new 90210 series and every time i would see this...

i would feel like THAT is what i need to look like. now I'm not condemning her for looking like this... but i AM concerned about what this is doing to our society. 

As i was watching Skins, there was a scene when they were all at the beach in bikinis and i saw... *gasp* FAT!! 

OH MER GERSH!

yes... i fell in love with this show from then on. haha. 

these were the pretty girls and they had a stomach. and love handles. and freckles. and pimples!! this TV show presented girls NATURALLY. hardly any of the cast wears thick makeup. and none of them had to lose weight in order to star. 

THIS is real. 

Skins is not a reality show, it's a TV show. but it didn't put a fake façade on on the women. 

now... im almost done ranting. if you're still reading this at this point, I will either say "bravo" and thank you for staying with me through my rant. or  "you really need to get a life."

to sum up my blabbering... i am sick of this "thinspo" crap and the media telling girls to stop eating to be beautiful. 

As i said, i love Skins (yeah, I'm back to that). it not only showed the "chubby" (as our society would call them) girls as beautiful, it also showed what girls REALLY go through...

this is the reality of our society today. "I didn't eat...so i could be lovely."

how sad is this? 

this needs to change. and i believe the change will start when we start loving OUR OWN bodies. fat, thin, i don't care what you call yourself...

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. 

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.     

Psalm 139:13-14